Taking The 'Caddy to Mountain Time. Part.5

.....excuse me but what the hell is that light?

        Pam was sat inside the 'Caddy laughing and joking with Mr Young and Gram, there was a very happy vibe that Bill was picking up on and it led him to believe that they were most definitely great friends! He was leaning against a very large boulder that was probably as old as time itself, but judging from the quality of the graffiti scratched into it, had certainly been visited in recent times, 

      'Expand your mind, smoke dynamite, 

My Mom made me a Homosexual' which had a line scratched underneath that made him smile, 

'If I give her the wool, will she make me one? The rest and welcome shade was definitely a gift that Bill snatched gladly and as he wiped the back of his neck with his handkerchief, a few feet away from where he was resting he could hear a conversation coming from inside the 'Caddy, 

       " What do you think of old Billy Boy, pretty cool I reckon, well, at least for a limey, he's not too sure what he wants that's for sure but he has a good soul in there somewhere", said Mr Young soon followed by Gram's voice which could be heard speaking in an embarrassing ‘Disney Cockney’  accent,

       "Pretty cool what? I should bloody well say so, he is rather a decent chap", Bill was trying his best to stifle a giggle; it sounded to him like Dick Van Dyke had hitched a ride with the group! 

       ”He just comes across like a boy lost, a boy looking for something, someplace or maybe.....somebody? Whatever it is, we should help him find it", said Pam adding her observations to conversation,

       "Anyway, he gets on so well with Jim,  in fact it's almost uncanny, they get on so well together, so if we put the two together,  Bill and Jim should do a good job in finding who or whatever it is, fuck me, if it is a woman I am sure that the dirty old dog will find her for him, if it is something else in this desert or tucked away in these Canyons, then I am sure we will find it for him", they all laughed out loud together the way that a group of old friends do, even Jim the dog seemed to be in agreement with them, he got to his feet, started barking and leaping about, he then started to turn and run full belt towards the open driver's door of the 'Caddy , just as he was about to leap inside, a big hand on the end of an arm that just happened to be covered with the sleeve of a plaid workshirt, followed by Mr Young's voice which  boomed out from within the Hearse,

      "Oh no you don't Jim my boy!, you are a dog, charged with testosterone, therefore my canine friend...you stink and there is no way on this planet you are coming in here, this is a Classic for Christ's sake"! Jim seemed to hang in mid-air for a second, then, like a stone, fell to the ground creating a cloud of dust!  Jim lowered his ears and dropped his tail, he timidly backed away to a safer distance eventually sitting and staring inside the door of the ‘Caddy!  Bill who had been watching the sight unfold before him, called over to dejected dog,

        " Hey Jim, it's ok, you can walk with me, we are a bit of a team, the dynamic duo, we shall ride the range together", Jim seemed to be hanging on Bills every word, his head leaning from side to side, then, rising to all four legs, things suddenly seemed to change about the dog, his eyes started to squint then slowly open again and then almost close, it was like he was going into a trance like state, these changes began to scare Bill, he was becoming worried for the dog,

         ”Jim, Jim, hey boy....are you still with us, Jim, Jimmy Jazz where the hell are you"? Then, all of a sudden, Jim's eyes opened and he.......farted!"

Bill stepped back and put his hands on his hips,

      "Well thanks very much! I shall take that as a yes then shall I?” Jim suddenly came back to the land of the living, barking and jumping with apparent joy, Pam who by now  had emerged from the ‘Caddy was stood there watching, smiling and rolling her eyes, turned back to the Hearse looking at Mr Young who was now also out and leaning against the driver’s door,

      “That ok with you Gram”, he called out over his shoulder,

      “That’s fine with me, the more the merrier”, came the voice from within,

      “I reckon we all make a pretty good team, hell we can take on all comers and not forgetting that the Chief is out there somewhere and the Fairy, Jesus, we are going to have quite a party!”  Bill just looked at them in turn,

       “Am I missing something, did he say Chief, who is the….Chief?” He waited for a reply while the group looked at each other as if they were all waiting for the next person to answer the question,

       “…and the Fairy, who is the Fairy, where does she hang out, come to think of it, is she ….real? Or is she just a figment of your ‘collective’ imaginations”?  Bill’s voice had become very hushed, he was unsure if they were yet again taking the piss out of him, then he heard Grams voice over by the ‘Caddy, he was now leaning out of the side window,

       “She is as real as you want her to be, in fact…..there she is,” they all spun around to where he was pointing to in the distance, Bill squinted to get a better look in the evening glow, sure enough, out in the distance there was a distinct light moving, as though someone were waving a torch very erratically but moving most definitely towards them!

Bill, not for the first time, was a little nervous more so the nearer the light was getting to them,

        " Probably one of those Sundowners you told me about earlier, maybe just a backpacker, someone who has seen us and is making their way over to share a brew ,maybe a smoke that's all, they all turned to Bill and gave him a ' if that's what you think' look, then suddenly, as one,  they became the desert chorus,

        "It's the Fairy!" they cried! Bill looked at the group then back out to the desert, the light was getting near to them, Jim began to do a very low growl that suddenly became a howl, this more than anything scared Bill, the hairs on the back of his neck were starting to rise and the more Jim became agitated, the more unsettled Bill became!  Jim was soon moving back towards Pam, still howling and growling as he went, Pam bent down and placed a hand around his neck and ruffled his fur, Jim looked up  at her then dropped to the floor wriggling himself between her opened legs almost as if Pam was a good place for him to hide!  Pam looked down to the scared dog,

       "I still find it funny, a reprobate like you, some creature that makes a living from being some kind of canine Lothario, is still scared of a female, in this case an entity, not even a real woman", she began to laugh at him, mocking him, then she began to lock his neck between her feet, smiling she looked down to Jim,

       "Never mind boy, I’ll look after you, us women enjoy humouring you boys, massaging you little ego's, when really, all of the time we are just honing other skills, skills that will eventually scare the shit out of you", she then crouched down to Jim, and spoke directly into his ear,

      "That includes you dogs of course"! Bill looked over to Pam, he was slightly pissed off at her comments and felt that he had to say something,

      “That’s a little....cynical of you,  don't you think!  What are you, some kind of Nazi Lesbian, a member of some kind of

League of Man-Haters perhaps?" Pam looked at him for a moment, deep into his eyes; this caused Bill to become very uneasy,

     ”I’m just saying" she said with a cheeky wink, 

     "You've got the balls, dangling just about.....there" she said lifting a boot to tap Bill right in the crotch, at which Bill jumped back in mock surprise, most probably a bit of fright, Pam continued,

     ”However, we also have balls but ours share the same space as our brains!"

     "She's right you know", added Mr Young,

      "We have not even begun to climb out of the pond yet", Bill shook his head slowly,

      "We shall just agree to differ on that one", he said at the same time being distracted by the lights in the distance that were by now getting nearer to them, then suddenly, they just seemed to stop moving and appeared to hover in mid-air but then.... they began to move once more this time in a very precise circular motion, eventually, after a few rotations, they stopped yet again and began to move back and forth as though the ball of light was pointing almost beckoning the group to follow it!

      "Ok, here we go then, we go .....That way", said Mr Young and as he did, Gram slowly began pointing from the Caddy', as he did he chuckled and began to utter some phrase to the others,

     "Head 'em up and move ‘em on", Mr Young turned his attention away from the light and straight over to Gram in the Hearse,

      "Who do you think you are, Rowdy Yates?" he said raising his eyebrows,

      "I don't see any cattle here, do you?" Pam looked over to Bill and could see the puzzled look on his face, she felt compelled to jump into the conversation and try to explain,

      "That's a blast from the past, from television history, you know? Back in the day, those flickering black and white days", Bill still looked blankly at her,

      "No? She said realising that the foreigner was completely at a loss,

       "Must see TV, Rowdy Yates, Gil Favor.....Tuesday nights? no? Jesus Christ William, I do believe that you Brits are socially bereft of all life skills", Bill just shrugged his shoulders and held out his arms, pleading to be let out of his misery, so yet again, they all turned to each other,

       "RAWHIDE"!!! They looked at Bill as if he were from another planet, Bill just stood there shaking his head, and he still had no clue as to what the hell they were talking about,

       ”Christ, he is much younger than we thought", said Mr Young,

       ”Not even a baby, no, make that an embryo", he said smiling,

       "Not even a Saturday night hopeful for his daddy", this made them all laugh which made Bill feel even more isolated, he was so 'not in the loop'!

       "Ok, you have had your fun, what about.....Upstairs Downstairs"! They stopped laughing for a second,

       ”There you go”, he said smugly that makes us about even I reckon"! The laughter started again, 

       "That's on cable about three times a week, shit Bill, you have got to come up with something better than that, a bit more 'obscure' perhaps", howled Pam crying with laughter!  She grabbed hold of his arm and told him to forget about it and that he had to 'be there', Bill just gave up, he knew he was beaten, he knew they were to formidable a 'team' for him, he decided to change the subject,

       "So we have to follow the light, follow the fairy, whoever the Hell she is, let's go the shall we", he said with more 'urgency' in his voice, not that they were all of a sudden against the clock, he just wanted to move on in the vain hope that it would stop them finding more ways to rip the piss out of him!

         They all walked together except Gram, he had taken off in the Caddy', Bill assumed to travel further on up the desert road to meet up with them later, he just felt glad that the trip had restarted, just as they had said earlier, he was now 'heading up and moving on'!

        The plan, if there was such a thing, was not to travel too long, nightfall was fast approaching and as beautiful and enchanting as the desert was at night, if you fell, it hurt, if something was going to bite you, it would and it would certainly not ask your permission first, this was indeed, a very dangerous place to be! 

       Eventually Mr Young called a halt to the day’s proceedings, stopping in front of the group, he raised his arms into what could only be described as a ‘crucifixion’ pose, Bill looked at him, quizzically, he began to feel a little strange, was he now in the company of a couple of ‘God-Squadders’? , Once again, Pam must have realised what was going through Bill’s mind as she sidled up behind him, placed her arms around his waist and slowly pulled herself into him,

           “I know what you’re thinking”, she purred softly into his back, then Bill leaned backwards and turning his head down towards her,

           “You do do you? He grinned,

           “I don’t think so, I reckon you think I am having a religious episode don’t you, well, relax, I’m not, a peaceful, relaxed moment but most definitely not a religious one, I just feel very…..what the fuck is that?” He broke off to stare and to point at the bright light that seemed to be fast approaching Mr Young!

           “That my friend, is the Fairy!” said Pam,

           “That’s right, she wants to see what this Limey guy is all about, so you had best say hello Billy Boy”, said Mr Young as he reached upwards and appeared to catch the light, once he did, he began to cradle it in his arms as though it were like a small child,

           “Say hello to our guiding light Bill”, he slowly turned around with both arms outstretched and in his hands was a beautiful sphere of moving light!  He looked up to Bill,

           “Here you go, say hi to our Fairy friend”, with that he gently threw the glow towards Bill who by this time was rooted to the spot, unable to move a muscle in his body, he seemed only able to move his eyes as he stood and stared at the light coming towards him! The sphere of light stopped,  hovering inches from his face at first then it began to move closer until Bill’s face was completely aglow almost like a mask, then it changed its shape and slowly began to cover his shoulders almost as if it were hugging even caressing him!  Bill stood there completely motionless, rooted to the spot as the glow covered the whole of his body, then almost like long satin fingers, light began to move back towards his face where it moved across his gaping mouth then swirled around each of his cheeks up towards his temples where the glow took on the appearance of two hands, they started to smooth up and down moving over to each ear until finally moving back across his now closed eyelids, they now began to be slowly covered, then with a loud shoosh , the light flew up to the top of his head and with what sounded like a clapping noise, the light then left Bill's body and shot into the air then darted back into the open hands of a waiting Mr Young, Bill promptly dropped to the floor in a heap, albeit a heap with a smile on his face!  After what seemed like many minutes of silence had passed, Mr Young spoke,

         “Would you look at that”, he said cupping his hands over the glow, small swirls of light were snaking their way slowly out of the gaps in his hands and fingers,

          “Christ Billy Boy, she sure did give you the once over, I reckon she really likes you, she is usually far more aloof than that”, he said looking at his cupped hands, “You must have something about you that’s for sure”!  Pam looked down at Bill, motionless on the floor, then back to Mr Young,

          “Oh he is special alright, I do hope he has a spare set of jeans in his rucksack?” she said gritting her teeth,  Mr Young looked over to her then down to Bill who appeared to be just  lying there totally out of it apart from a very satisfied grin spreading from ear to ear,

          “What do you mean…..oh I see, you’ve pissed your pants Billy Boy, not a good look my friend!”