What were you talking about?

(The Mystery Girl and the Cat in the Hat)

    Ok, that's enough for me, the TV is crap tonight, the tea is drunk and I'm in no mood for reading, so pee, teeth, then the lights are going out, I am not going to fight it anymore, nobody to talk to, she's gone now, she has been asleep for ages, she can sleep on a washing line,  so I suppose, she is the lucky one, I like late TV, she doesn't, I like to read she doesn't, she likes Sudoku I don't, what's next, separate beds for fuck's sake!
        Ok, I’ve pee’d and the toilet seat is down, my hands are now  washed, my teeth are brushed, I guess I'm done, not done in, just ready for bed, so it’s bathroom light off, now to navigate across the landing and into the bedroom, without waking her! Like a Ninja, I'm in the bedroom and with no mishaps so far, fumbling in the dark, touching the bed, I move around to my side and as quietly as I can, move back the quilt and with stealth and total precision, I slide in to the bed…. I'm in.
     "Have you locked the front door"? She's awake, shit!
     "I thought you were asleep?" Opening one eye and moving not a single other muscle, remaining completely covered by the duvet, she spoke once again, "not with all of the racket your making, go down and check the door, before we are murdered in our own bed...please!"

Out of the bed, down the stairs to the door, check the handle, locked, I fucking knew I had locked it!!  She is so good at that, making me doubt things, Christ has she been faking orgasms all these years, oh fuck it, there I go, doubting again, doubting my own ability!  Back up the stairs making sure she hears me this time and I know she has because of the loud 'tutting' coming from her side of the bed,
"Goodnight dear", she say's sarcastically as I thump my pillow and slide once again under the quilt.
      I Lie still with the quilt up to my chin, trying to get in the zone, trying being the operative word here, I close my eyes, lightly at first, trying to relax with the vain hope of trying to wind down my body.

After what seems like an eternity, I open my eyes, I'm wide awake, not even remotely sleepy, but it's late, I must be tired by now, I check my phone on the bedside cabinet for the time, instantly I am blinded by the back-light on the fucking thing, I fumble for my glasses, Christ, not even midnight yet but it seems I've been here for ages!! Now she is awake, busting my balls for waking her up with the light from my phone, no excuse on earth is going to work, she's pissed off and that's that, romance is definitely out of the question tonight, but it may help me! She, obviously pre-empting my next move, “not a chance buster, go to sleep”, how does she do that!, how does she know what I am thinking, I exhale a long deep, pissed off kind of breath!  Lying there once again for what seems like forever, I sense the bed dipping, she's got up; she’s gone for a pee. Christ Almighty, she say's I make a racket when I go, she should listen to herself but I'm saying nothing, I would record it on my phone but that's a bit kinky, a bit Pervy and at 'stupid o'clock in the morning, she would definitely not see the funny side!
    Right then, let's give it another go,
"Goodnight dear...love you", she grunts back at me and pulls the quilt tighter around her, acknowledging my sarcasm and soon she's gone to who knows where a woman goes when she closes her eyes! Looking up, staring ahead of me towards the 'grainy grey' of the bedroom ceiling, I lie there, willing myself to drift, closing my eyes tightly in order to produce a vision of blackness. I hear no sound, even she is now just producing a soft, gentle purring sound, she has gone, for now but she will be back in the morning, oh.... she'll be back alright.
      I just can't get off, I turn to the left then back to lying on my back, I turn to the right, then back again, I sit up for a while, stuff that, that's a bit too chilly, back I go again, under the quilt to try again. All sorts of things drift through my mind, work, money, sex, paying for sex at work, I smirk then giggle, well it makes me laugh, I soon find myself wincing in pain, she has jabbed me in the back with her elbow, angrily she chastises me,
"Will you go to sleep, you have to get up in a few hours and so do I"

Lying as still as I can I try yet again, shall I get up and make a drink, no, I'll only have to get up later for a pee, so I just lie there quiet....waiting and waiting and waiting and.....!
      I must have just gone, who knows when, you just do I suppose, the dreamscape world we all visit, you never seem to go through a door, you just turn around and......your there, it's there, it is always there whether we want it to be or not, whether you like what you see or who you meet, the power of dreamscape takes over, deep within your subconscious, these are the things that come out to play with you while you sleep!      “Christ I have not seen you for.....ever and yet I know you; you look so familiar, I can't hear you and yet, I am sure I have heard you before, what's your name again? Hey! “I quickly turn around, “Where did he go?” Who is this then? “Hello, do I know you, I am sure I do, do you remember me?, did we have a good time together? Please say yes,”  hang on a minute.....where did she go? Does nobody hang around in here, “excuse me mate can you tell me........”
He turns around and looks at me, Jesus what have I said, he looks really angry, but what have I done, I don't even know him!
"What's up with you, what are you looking at me like that for, hang on…. it's you, yes that's right, you were my English teacher, you never liked me and I certainly didn't like you, what are you smiling at, I can tell you are laughing but why can't I hear you,” he looks puzzled and taps a finger to his chest, “yes you, I'm talking to you, where are you going and don't walk off, hang on will......,where did he go, did you see him?” I'm talking to myself again, I'm on my own, and there is nobody here!

      Christ, I can play the piano now, I’m really good, very impressive, I’m reading the music, hang on a minute, I can’t read music and these are not my hands thumping the key’s, I know I can’t play, shit, I’m not miming am I, what would be the point of that, then again, who is going to hear me anyway, I’m dreaming, you can do whatever you want in a dream, you are never going back to the same one, so what is the harm but whose hands are they and why are mine…. tied behind my back? Looking down at the hands, I realise they belong to a woman but who? Hang on a minute, what’s her game, the hands start to move up my chest and begin to massage my neck, that feels so nice, I begin moving my head backwards towards the soothing hands, then suddenly….she stops!  She smells so familiar, from where, I don’t know, I look down to her hands, I open my eyes, wait a minute, they are not a woman’s hands, she’s gone; they are a pair of gloves that I see, without hands, ok Mr Dali, you can come out now, you have had your fun, where the fuck are you, ok so I am more of a Warhol fan, is that so bad!

     “Don’t worry”, whispers the voice to my ear, “I shall look after you”, “What! I’m getting angry now, “I don’t need looking after”, I look over to where the voice is coming from just in time to see one of the gloved hands  that has  now left the keyboard and has closed to become a fist that is hurtling towards my unguarded face, I turn and brace myself for the crunch…..nothing, I take a look, “who the hell are you, where did you come from…..wait a minute, just hold the front page…I know you, you went to my school, you know me, you must do, you are in my dream for Christ sake, why else would you be here, we obviously know each other, don’t we?, wait a minute , she’s back, the woman from a few minutes ago, It seems like minutes but in dream land, more like nano seconds, this is a dream after all, do space and time exist in our dreams? Who knows, who will ever know, fucked if I do and all the time I spend thinking about it, this woman who I just can’t remember is going to go again, “ Hey you, hang on a minute , please! She is stopping to wait a while but she still won’t turn around, “You’re a one aren’t you, do you mind if I call you Mystery Girl? I know you’re a woman but mystery girl conjures up a lot of…mystery I suppose”,  I continue to put questions to this woman, “you seem to keep turning up, do you find me attractive, do I make you laugh, in the right way of course, just what is it, who are you, what do you want, I know, I have said something offensive, crude perhaps, I don’t mean it you know, that’s just the way I roll,  just as long as you understand that,  I don’t want you talking behind my back, I am very sensitive you know, I pick up on things, I cry, even though this is a dream…I think,? This is not real you know, just my dream, so I guess it is my rules, so in the nicest possible way, will you please, for fucks sake turn around while I am talking to you?” Christ I’m going on a bit, a bit too much perhaps because whoever it is or was, she has gone! Slowly I look around my dream, it looks like I’m in it on my own, guess I shall just carry on drifting through this strange and yet so familiar place until I manage to wake up! 

       “Hello there,” there is a cat at my feet, “where did he come from,?” it is not one of my old ones although it could be, no can’t be, none of mine ever smoked and I don’t remember them ever wearing a hat like that, I look down and the cat looks up at me and winks, this makes me smile, it makes me happy,” hey there hombre, looking pretty good there guy”, Christ I’m talking to a cat, who would have thought, I don’t even know him, I smile as he starts rubbing at my legs the way that only cats can do, he looks up to me again, “got a light on you, my stick has gone out”? I pull out the pockets of my pyjamas and shrug, “Sorry kiddo, I don’t smoke anymore, just the occasional….” , I stoop down and give him a knowing wink, he stands there, that flat footed stance that cats are so good at, he looks back at me with that hat cocked to one side, with a squint in my eye, I point down to him, “Did I meet you in Paris, drinking coffee and watching the world go by?” Slowly the cat turns away and skulks off but not before he turns and says to me, “wrong cat, wrong place and probably the wrong time, I never leave this place”!

Was I just talking to a cat, was a cat talking back to me, where the hell has that woman gone, “Hey, Mystery Girl, where are you, let’s talk, that’s all, nothing to be scared of, this is a dream for fucks sake not a nightmare…..I think”?  It seems I have walked for miles, perhaps I am sleep walking, that’s funny, I’m asleep anyway but do you dream that you are sleep walking, this is hardly restful, is it any wonder that I sometimes wake up feeling like shit!

“what do you want to talk about”, the voice behind me startles me at first but I turn anyway, “Oh, hello, I was wondering where you had gone, now then, tell me, do I know you, I feel that I do or at least I should, please help me out will you”!

“I’m whoever you want me to be” she says, “ I’m the one you always wish for, I’m the one you always think about, I’m just your average, every day, Mystery Girl, so……let’s talk”!

        Suddenly I feel the pain in my back again, she jabbing me again as the alarm goes off, I jolt into life and my eyes slowly begin to open.

“You need some early nights you do, you were fighting with somebody all night and as much as you deny it, you were talking in your sleep again”!  “What, you’re hearing things, ok what did I say then”, for some reason I am very defensive almost touchy about her comments,

“I don’t know, you were swearing but then again you always swear in your sleep,” “ok then, what was her name”? “Her name?, who?

“The Mystery Girl, who else”, she sit’s up and stares at me, “who is this…. Mystery Girl when she’s at home”?  I’m a little confused, she looks at me waiting for an answer, “I don’t know but she was there last night”, “where, you were in bed with me all night”, I slowly start to smile, “ maybe I’ll meet her tonight again”, “maybe you will but you have got to start relaxing more, cut down on the coffee, I get up from the bed and just as I leave the bedroom, I turn to her, “ I’ll see if I can find out tonight but it’s a dead cert that you won’t be there”, shaking her head, she looks up at me and says, “ and where might that be”, “a place where you can’t go my dear, my dreams”!