SLEEP THAT BURNS

(Just what goes on inside the mind of Doc Martin?)

The Sudden Stop Always Appears To Be...At The Bottom!
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(a.k.a.... My Wife scares me!)

               It is taking for what seems like...forever, turning this way then that, face down then face up, arms inside the covers... or perhaps outside but still no joy!  I have heard that if you tense your body then relax it , sometimes that helps, keep doing this for a few minutes and you will soon drop off into a deep sleep!  What a crock of bullshit, that does not work, anyway, I want to sleep not workout for Christ  sake, the boredom that doing that brings on should do the trick but no, back to the drawing board.  I keep my eyes closed in the vain hope that by keeping any form of light out, I will just drift off but to no avail.  I keep my eyes closed for what seems like hours and then...I must have just...gone, dropped off, at last I am asleep now....or am I! 
         This feeling is strange, weird even, it just does not feel right, am I asleep or am I just lying there with my eyes closed, resting, not the same as sleeping is it!  Then, from nowhere I seem to be able to feel a breeze against my face, gentle at first, almost pleasant, then the breeze becomes more like a wind and soon I'm shivering and goosebumps start to rise all over my body, this is not right, if I'm dreaming then this feels too real, too high definition for my liking, got to get out of here, got to wake up... It feels... just wrong somehow! 

        I am aware or It feels like I am,  out of my bed and not even in my room, I can't feel the floor beneath my feet so I must be...floating, so I'm thinking, am I still in bed?....I've got to be, fucking hell, now It feels that I am turning over, I don't like this feeling, turning upside down, I really do not like this feeling, let's be honest, we all like to feel in control and I am definately not in control,  God I feel sick, oh fuck, I'm turning upside down and starting to turn, I'm now twisting and it is so painful.  Fuck that hurts, Christ my back and what's the deal with my arms, they are stretching upwards, so are my legs! The feeling of speed, the whistling past my ears .... am I falling, it feels like I am, got to open my eyes, but I'm too scared but I must but I can't they are too tightly closed, Christ what is going on! What the hell is that, it appears to be coming from above me, there, over there beyond the noise of the rush, I can't see fuck all so I am assuming it's coming from there above me, up there, is that laughing I can hear, is that screaming, what is that, who is that, is that... my wife, is it?, What is she doing in my dream, who let her into my dream for fuck sake, Christ she is in my head, my inner sanctum, can I not dream alone anymore, Jesus H fucking Christ!!
                                    The falling seems to be getting faster, the whistling getting louder and that voice, that cackle is getting nearer and louder until it is right by my ear, is that her, it is you know!  With gritted teeth and with gargantuan effort, I force my eyelids open, my vision is blurred from the speed, I start blinking crazily  and soon realize that I am looking skywards but plummeting downwards and there she is, my wife, smiling at me, by my side!  She appears to be looking at photos, then shaking her head and throwing each picture away, then another and another, never does she change her expression, all she does is...sigh and shrug her shoulders and keep on...smiling at me. Then her expression changes, she starts to gaze lovingly into my eyes, then she smiles at me again, then she points down and then her smile is gone!  I look down only to see the ground hurtling towards me, I look back to her, she lovingly waves to me, blows me a kiss...and she is gone!

    I brace myself, this is it, all of the good things followed by all of the bad things start to  filter through my mind, Christ was I that bad, was I that good even!  I then peer over my shoulder as the ground is almost upon me, oh well, if this is it, if this is to be how it ends, how I end, alone and with a splat, then so be it, fuck 'em all, I know I am a good person...mostly, so goodbye it is, see you around, perhaps I shall now be able to sleep, to relax, just get this thing over with will you!  

                Then, with a bang and a jolt....I'm awake, in my bed,  sweating like a pig and ....laughing, embarrassed laughter, then again, any laugh is better than no laugh I suppose, especially on the trip I had just been on!  I know I am not alone in the bed, she was with me when I put the light out, so she must still be there, so nervously I turn to see my wife lying there and in the dimly lit room, she rolls over and say's 

"Christ you were restless last night, you are going to bed far too late"!

"I'm sorry, must have had a bad dream"

"As long as you were dreaming about me

and close the bloody window, the wind was whistling all night!
"Oh yes, I say, I  dreamt about you last night and you were looking at some photos, who were you looking at!"
"Photos!  What photos, what are you on about"?
"You threw me out of something...you were looking at photos and you were laughing....what, don't look at me like that, it was you, well it certainly looked like you and she sounded like you and you were laughing, at me for Christ's sake!  
Oh never mind!"